January 2009

To wait...

I want patience
I want trust
I want to know I have you to love
I want to wait
I want to rush
Anything to not give you up
And I think you're nervous
That I'll never come
And sometimes I wonder
If I'm really the one
But I won't let you go
No matter what they all say
Their opinions don't determine
The decisions I make
Give me strength
Give me knowledge
Let me believe that I have the courage
To hold real close
To hold on tight
One more day to try and make this right

♥ Love ♥

Love
Should come to you easily.
It should be an instant connection.
So many of us force it to be true.
We even believe it until we have found
that it was never real to begin with.
We depend on love to make us happy.
We depend on others to show and give us love.
We forget that love has always been with us since the beginning.
We forget that we don't need to seek it in others, but only to find it within

Looking In

Life has presented many windows for me to see
I am different inside, and I'm not sure what has changed.
Many of us lie awake at night wondering who we are.
I can finally go to sleep at night just knowing who I am.
It was never about who we try to prove ourselves to be.
It was always about knowing who we always were, but too afraid to be just that.
So much judgment we pass on each other.
Always thinking that what others perceived us to be, held true.
We give away our dignity and hearts with no questions asked, but why can't we just look at one another in the eyes and know, that at that moment, they are as perfect as they can be.
And with every moment more we grow and learn and love much more than we did before.
Forever, will I see you differently.
Forever, will I love you more and more.
Forever, will I show you how to do just the same.
For I am no better than you,
but just someone who wants to be true.

Mistaken

He's drawn to her uniqueness
as though it's something he's never seen
In aw he's amazed
and believes she needs setting free

He'd follow her across the world
travel where ever she may go
Go to the extreme
if it means to never be alone.

For he does not know who she is
he seeks for more.
where he stands.
what she wants.
but no way to know.

For time will help him see
that she is not for him.
Both are lost and trying to find
a way to be free from within.

toxins

Brittle are her bones
as she lies there silently
confused and not sure of what I should do.

why does she do this?
hurts her body in such ways
it pains me to see her
treat herself with such fray?

But who am I to think such things?
when I, myself... love to smoke and drink
I let these poisons and toxins in
but no more do I let them rule my world

2:14 AM is now the time
awake and waiting until everything is fine
the taste of red wine, as it warms my belly
and the long drag of tobacco eats me inside

Why does she do this?
hurts her body in such ways?
why do we do this,
subject ourselves to this every day?

Questions

It's just that today.... I'm not there yet.
I need this moment.

I need, this.

Where's my answer?
I feel it so close
but have yet to discover it.
All I want is for this to be revealed.

I'm debating.
Should I?
or shouldn't I?
Tonight... I want to.
a bottle just sounds so good.
It'll be different..
I hope. I hope.

The strength of my confidence
seems to come alive at night
I feel sure, okay, superb.
If only the morning sun
would no longer break me down.

It once was my strength
and has now become my weakness.

What happened?
Did optimism fail?
and pessimism flourish?
It'll come back...
the determination, strength, assurance.

Right now, it's become unknown.
Lost and confused - I don't seem to care.
Is this what it's like?
to be broken?
or destroyed?

Closer to discovering.
Closer to becoming.
Where did hope come from?
Where did we learn to seek for love?
to wanna find it.
What image does it paint in my eyes?

Hope... is our weakness.

re[invented]

I feel like I'm re[discovering]

My Life.
This World.
Our Existence.

I feel free-er.... if freer is a word,
it would be how I feel.

Nature on my side
No more do I push it away
but embrace what it has given me today.

I don't want to be a victim
of this insane world we live.
I just wanna be awakened
to life and what its always been.

No more labels and what we try to justify.
No more pain and suffering that we always seem to mind.
No more love for it is completely misunderstood.
No more being blinded and missing the point for good.

my last

All that's left is your goodbye
No more tears for me to cry
It is now the time
To follow this light

The door that once was open for me
Is now closed to no longer see
No more us.
No more what might have been.

This concept was hard for me to understand
And now I know I was never your fan
Just a dream that I dreamt you to be
A man you never were.
A man you'll never become.

Second best was never the plan
And life didn't hand me a very good man
this is the last
the last of me you will ever see

Let me.

I can't find the words
to tell you how I feel.
I'm not sure exactly where to start.
I'm trying to extend my hand
it's here for you to grab.
I'm here for you to know
and hopefully understand

that

I'm trying to be the one
to offer you the love
that you don't seem to have
and I'm trying to be the one
to pick you up off the ground
when you have no strength to stand.
You've been lost and need to be found.

So let me be the one.

This world is hard enough
to figure out how to survive.
Don't try to do it on your own
let me guide you to stay alive.
Don't let this world swallow you whole.
I'm here, and you should know,
and understand

that

No one can do it alone
no matter how much they try
its okay for you to feel
confused and wanna cry.
But darlin', I want you to see
that I'm here for you tonight.

so let me be the one.

Together we will fight.
Let's use this bottle to christen this new life.
The start of a new beginning
take my hand and hold on tight.
I'll never let you go...
coz I'm here for you to know
and need you to understand

that, I'm trying to be the one

let me be the one...
let me be the one...