To wait...

I want patience
I want trust
I want to know I have you to love
I want to wait
I want to rush
Anything to not give you up
And I think you're nervous
That I'll never come
And sometimes I wonder
If I'm really the one
But I won't let you go
No matter what they all say
Their opinions don't determine
The decisions I make
Give me strength
Give me knowledge
Let me believe that I have the courage
To hold real close
To hold on tight
One more day to try and make this right

♥ Love ♥

Love
Should come to you easily.
It should be an instant connection.
So many of us force it to be true.
We even believe it until we have found
that it was never real to begin with.
We depend on love to make us happy.
We depend on others to show and give us love.
We forget that love has always been with us since the beginning.
We forget that we don't need to seek it in others, but only to find it within

Looking In

Life has presented many windows for me to see
I am different inside, and I'm not sure what has changed.
Many of us lie awake at night wondering who we are.
I can finally go to sleep at night just knowing who I am.
It was never about who we try to prove ourselves to be.
It was always about knowing who we always were, but too afraid to be just that.
So much judgment we pass on each other.
Always thinking that what others perceived us to be, held true.
We give away our dignity and hearts with no questions asked, but why can't we just look at one another in the eyes and know, that at that moment, they are as perfect as they can be.
And with every moment more we grow and learn and love much more than we did before.
Forever, will I see you differently.
Forever, will I love you more and more.
Forever, will I show you how to do just the same.
For I am no better than you,
but just someone who wants to be true.

Mistaken

He's drawn to her uniqueness
as though it's something he's never seen
In aw he's amazed
and believes she needs setting free

He'd follow her across the world
travel where ever she may go
Go to the extreme
if it means to never be alone.

For he does not know who she is
he seeks for more.
where he stands.
what she wants.
but no way to know.

For time will help him see
that she is not for him.
Both are lost and trying to find
a way to be free from within.

toxins

Brittle are her bones
as she lies there silently
confused and not sure of what I should do.

why does she do this?
hurts her body in such ways
it pains me to see her
treat herself with such fray?

But who am I to think such things?
when I, myself... love to smoke and drink
I let these poisons and toxins in
but no more do I let them rule my world

2:14 AM is now the time
awake and waiting until everything is fine
the taste of red wine, as it warms my belly
and the long drag of tobacco eats me inside

Why does she do this?
hurts her body in such ways?
why do we do this,
subject ourselves to this every day?

Questions

It's just that today.... I'm not there yet.
I need this moment.

I need, this.

Where's my answer?
I feel it so close
but have yet to discover it.
All I want is for this to be revealed.

I'm debating.
Should I?
or shouldn't I?
Tonight... I want to.
a bottle just sounds so good.
It'll be different..
I hope. I hope.

The strength of my confidence
seems to come alive at night
I feel sure, okay, superb.
If only the morning sun
would no longer break me down.

It once was my strength
and has now become my weakness.

What happened?
Did optimism fail?
and pessimism flourish?
It'll come back...
the determination, strength, assurance.

Right now, it's become unknown.
Lost and confused - I don't seem to care.
Is this what it's like?
to be broken?
or destroyed?

Closer to discovering.
Closer to becoming.
Where did hope come from?
Where did we learn to seek for love?
to wanna find it.
What image does it paint in my eyes?

Hope... is our weakness.

re[invented]

I feel like I'm re[discovering]

My Life.
This World.
Our Existence.

I feel free-er.... if freer is a word,
it would be how I feel.

Nature on my side
No more do I push it away
but embrace what it has given me today.

I don't want to be a victim
of this insane world we live.
I just wanna be awakened
to life and what its always been.

No more labels and what we try to justify.
No more pain and suffering that we always seem to mind.
No more love for it is completely misunderstood.
No more being blinded and missing the point for good.

my last

All that's left is your goodbye
No more tears for me to cry
It is now the time
To follow this light

The door that once was open for me
Is now closed to no longer see
No more us.
No more what might have been.

This concept was hard for me to understand
And now I know I was never your fan
Just a dream that I dreamt you to be
A man you never were.
A man you'll never become.

Second best was never the plan
And life didn't hand me a very good man
this is the last
the last of me you will ever see

Let me.

I can't find the words
to tell you how I feel.
I'm not sure exactly where to start.
I'm trying to extend my hand
it's here for you to grab.
I'm here for you to know
and hopefully understand

that

I'm trying to be the one
to offer you the love
that you don't seem to have
and I'm trying to be the one
to pick you up off the ground
when you have no strength to stand.
You've been lost and need to be found.

So let me be the one.

This world is hard enough
to figure out how to survive.
Don't try to do it on your own
let me guide you to stay alive.
Don't let this world swallow you whole.
I'm here, and you should know,
and understand

that

No one can do it alone
no matter how much they try
its okay for you to feel
confused and wanna cry.
But darlin', I want you to see
that I'm here for you tonight.

so let me be the one.

Together we will fight.
Let's use this bottle to christen this new life.
The start of a new beginning
take my hand and hold on tight.
I'll never let you go...
coz I'm here for you to know
and need you to understand

that, I'm trying to be the one

let me be the one...
let me be the one...

kb

Boundaries

We set our limits for ourselves and for others to abide by.
But, why do we set these limits?
Is it to keep our life on track?
Is it to keep our hearts safe from disappointment?

Boundaries are where we draw our lines in life.
Where we make it obvious that we won't push our limits
to areas where we don't dare go.
But why is it that there are some people in life
who decide to take it upon themselves and test the limits of others?
To manipulate them, take advantage for their own selfish reasons.
Is it their selfishness that takes over them?
Is it their fears of failure that cloud their actions?

Where do they get off thinking that it's okay to be twisted with their words.
Thinking that I wouldn't see through them.
When I stare through their eyes
I see...
emptiness.
Their thoughts and mind drowning in that bottle of whiskey
to not face any truth of who they are
and not knowing how to feel secure and come back to reality.

The only way they know how to survive
is to create this image in their mind of a world that doesn't exist.
Or, maybe it does.
This world they've created is full of manipulation, ego, control, power.
It's a world where they only see themselves in it.
No one else.
They step on hearts and take advantage of all who is willing to be controlled.

Well, my boundaries are not available for you to cross.
I am not the person who allows others to push my limits.
I stand firm on where I am and what I believe.
In my world.... I make the rules.

[ Fugitive ]

he runs from everything he knows
turns his head to look the other way
there, he hides in silence
in his black-hole of a world
willing to be traded
anything, to not feel jaded

a fugitive he is
the one thing he's good at
a fugitive he is
nothing will ever change that

in the mirror, he faces himself
broken. destructed. and unexpected.
his identity, which he no longer knows
clearly torn and unaware
of where to find reality
or does he just live in fantasy?

a fugitive he is
escaping the convictions of all life's past
a fugitive he is
his journey to never look back


to never look back.

color me [photo-art]

the ride.

well here it goes
this roller coaster of a life
I'm just as anxious as I've ever been
climbing up is what I do
everything to make my dreams come true

it's gonna happen
right here. right now.
I see it from the top of my own world
the view... pure bliss.
my life and how I made it

if we can't be optimistic
then what else is there to be?
negativity just does not suit me
surviving, is what I've been doing
and baby, I'm starting to get ahead

here we go
on this roller coaster of a life
to the top for a free fall
is where I'm ready to be
hang on because this ride is here tonight
the ride of your life
and everything we'd hoped it'd be.

Hidden Secrets

childhood dreams and secret heroes
her hopes and dreams
crashed down to zero
save your tears for another day
cuz today the sun says to come out and play
the devil hides deep in the details of life
and tonight you're gonna find him, he, who won't lie

be free. live large. love all.
this beautiful world isn't gonna let you fall
but blinded you've been
and may never forgive him
try it out. taste it. feel it.
but don't be afraid
to release the secrets you hid this day

let it go.
he's too young to understand
that life has given you one last chance
its up to you, honey
to walk the stone beaten path
the one you've been debating on whether to go back

history has been made
so sing your song
sing it loud and clear like its never been gone
its the beat of your heart that's always been near
the tune you've never really seemed to fear

and there it is
he who hides
the devil himself
there in your life

early days

early days
are the days when she was naive.
the days when she thought she was complete.
that night, she made her way down to the white sandy shore
and faced the deep blue sea.
there... is where she dropped down to her knees.
and cried.
she cried. and cried.
the waves pounding against the sand...
drowned out the sounds of her insecurities.
with the dark lonely sky
swallowing the moonlight above.
the waves take away her broken heart and pain...
with you... she's done.
and a thousand tears later...
she realized-
that she never meant to love you.
no, she never meant to love you.

Come Stay

I get this feeling.
Not quite sure what it is.
It kind of excites me.
To figure out the unknown.
But where do I go from here?
Do I jump forward?
Or wait and hold back?
This is the part that always trips me up.
One step forward? Or two steps back?
I think you see it too.
Maybe you're not sure what to think either.
Sometimes you're there.
Sometimes you're not.
And I'm not sure which way to look at it.
In time, I hope you can see...
That I've been looking your way.
Whether or not you decide
Maybe... just maybe, you'll wanna come stay.
Stay with me and see through me.
The world through my eyes.
And I'll come stay with you
To see your world too.

Color Me

Color me your color
Paint me what you see
Open roads
And clear skies
Are all I really need

Your hand on my leg
As we drive the road unknown
Beats walking in the sand
In this huge world alone

Color me your color
Draw me outside the lines if you please
Large mountains with trees as tall as trees can be
Show me life with everything you see

Your body contoured right next to mine
With a touch so warm
And whispers so sweet
In bed we lay beneath the sheets

Color me your color
Sketch me delicately soft
Bright yellow daisies stretched for miles far beyond
Display those colors that have forever been gone

[B]roken hearts

Every time I think of you I get anxiety

Trying to pull myself together and make it all ok

By myself I know exactly what to say

But when faced in the moment with you

I lose all the words I knew

I've seen that side of you that's so pure and true

But you confuse me with everything you do

Truth is all I need

All I need to get by

All I need to be calm

Quit leading me on

I have dreams to live and make come true

If you wanna be in my picture

I'd be happy to paint you in

But don't give me a half-ass answer

I deserve more than you seem to give

I know deep down you have a good heart

But for some reason you won't use it with me

Your words are kind and beautiful to me

Don't forget that that's not all I see

Actions speak louder than you may believe

They're loud enough for me to see

Live your life and do what you need

As I wish you'd share it with me

For now all I can give is a warm smile and hug

And move on with my dreams

If for some reason you wanna come and be with me

Don't be upset if you're too late to see

To see that I loved you

To see that I cared

But one can't hold on forever

When they're not sure you were ever there.

self.

To find yourself.
It's what most people try and do.
Many people feel lost in who they are and who they want to be.
Why is this so hard?
Why isn't it so easy for some to understand their desires, dreams and most importantly....
themselves.
I really think its a gift to those who know.
I feel like..... I have that gift. Because.... I know.
I embrace every day and know that its what I decided to do.
Thankful for what I have.
Know what I need.
And I can just be..... who I am.
I wish this for my friends who are still trying to discover their lives.
I wish for them to open their eyes and be honest with themselves and to the ones they love and trust.
Because if you miss those signs, you may never be able to go back and change what you later discover.
Before its too late.
Do it now.
And be that person. That person you knew you always were.
And that makes you beautiful.
Just you.

[To Live]

[To Live]
is to embrace every moment.
to look around at where you're standing and take it all in.
[Appreciation]
the sun, the wind, the way i feel.
try to not take for granted those who have been a part of your life
you never know when they may never return.
[Beautiful]
every where i turn.
i can find it. i can see it.
[To Live]
is to become who you know you are.
to recognize your dreams and to follow your passions.
[Love]
comes to you in many forms. do not push it away.
you may not know when it'll come back around.
[Faults]
we all have them. accept yourself and others.
forgiveness helps us to be stronger.
[To Live]
is knowing that when the time comes for you to leave this place,
you feel as though you have lived it to the best you can.

[So Live]